My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
