Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
