I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
