I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
