I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
