i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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