I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
they're like a gay fantastic four
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
