you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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