is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
