I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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