His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
