K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
