Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
