Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She needs sedatives and a leash
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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