Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
