you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
