Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
