Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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