According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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