I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
