This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
