Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
