Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
