I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
