i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
