I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
