i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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