so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
