Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
