I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
