even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
