I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize