okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't put those talents on a resume
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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