dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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