lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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