I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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