I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
