a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
