um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
