if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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