in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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