I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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