if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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