you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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