I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
