the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
