Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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