If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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