Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
