remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
