I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
