I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Are we still banned from the library?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
