I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
