I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
