I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
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and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's blow job season.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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