he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
