took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
