I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
