i need an iv and a liver transplant
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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