And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
