I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
