I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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