apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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