well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
