Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize