Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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