Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Two words: nipple clamps
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