why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
