Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
