I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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