tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
