no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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