Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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